Tiny habits, p.1
Tiny Habits, page 1
Contents
* * *
Title Page
Contents
Copyright
Dedication
Introduction
The Elements of Behavior
Motivation—Focus on Matching
Ability—Easy Does It
Prompts—The Power of After
Emotions Create Habits
Growing Your Habits from Tiny to Transformative
Untangling Bad Habits: A Systematic Solution
How We Change Together
The Small Changes That Change Everything
Acknowledgments
Appendixes
Three Hundred Recipes for Tiny Habits—Fifteen Life Situations and Challenges
About the Author
Connect on Social Media
First Mariner Books edition 2020
Copyright © 2020 by BJ Fogg
Tiny Habits® is a registered trademark
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. For information, address HarperCollins Publishers, 195 Broadway, New York, NY 10007.
marinerbooks.com
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Fogg, B. J., author.
Title: Tiny habits : the small changes that change everything / BJ Fogg, PhD.
Description: Boston : Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2019.
Identifiers: LCCN 2019023920 (print) | LCCN 2019023921 (ebook) | ISBN 9780358003328 (hardcover) | ISBN 9780358003991 (ebook) | ISBN 9780358362777 (pbk.)
Subjects: LCSH: Habit. | Change (Psychology)
Classification: LCC BF335 .F56 2019 (print) | LCC BF335 (ebook) | DDC 158—dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019023920
LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019023921
Cover design and lettering by Zoe Norvell
Art direction by Jessica Handelman
Author photograph © Stephanie Weldy
v7.0821
While all of the stories in this book are true, some names and identifying details have been changed to protect confidentiality.
For references and resources related to this book, go to TinyHabits.com/resources.
To the wonderful people who inspired me to explore.
Introduction
Change Can Be Easy (and Fun)
Tiny is mighty.
At least when it comes to change.
Over the last twenty years, I’ve found that most everyone wants to make some kind of change: eat healthier, lose weight, exercise more, reduce stress, get better sleep. We want to be better parents and partners. We want to be more productive and creative. But the alarming levels of obesity, sleeplessness, and stress reported by the media—and seen in my Stanford lab’s research—tell me there is a painful gap between what people want and what they actually do. The disconnect between want and do has been blamed on a lot of things—but people blame it on themselves for the most part. They internalize the cultural message of “It’s your fault! You should exercise more, but you aren’t doing it. Shame on you!”
I am here to say: It isn’t your fault.
And creating positive change isn’t as hard as you think.
For too many years, myths, misconceptions, and well-meaning but unscientific advice have set you up to fail. If you’ve attempted change in the past and haven’t seen results, you may have concluded that change is hard or that you can’t succeed because you lack motivation. Neither is accurate. The problem is with the approach itself, not with you. Think of it this way: If you tried putting together a chest of drawers with faulty instructions and parts missing, you would feel frustrated. But you probably wouldn’t blame yourself for this, would you? You would blame the manufacturer instead. When it comes to failed attempts at change, we almost never blame the “manufacturer.” We blame ourselves.
When our results fall short of our expectations, the inner critic finds an opening and steps on stage. Many of us believe that if we fail to be more productive, lose weight, or exercise regularly then something must be wrong with us. If only we were better people, we wouldn’t have failed. If only we had followed that program to the letter or kept those promises to ourselves, we would have succeeded. We just need to get our act together and pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and do better. Right?
Nope. Sorry. Not right.
We are not the problem.
Our approach to change is. It’s a design flaw—not a personal flaw.
Building habits and creating positive change can be easy—if you have the right approach. A system based on how human psychology really works. A process that makes change easier. Tools that don’t rely on guesswork or faulty principles.
Popular thinking about habit formation and change feeds into our impulse to set unrealistic expectations. We know habits matter; we just need more good habits and fewer bad ones. But here we are, still struggling to change. Still thinking it’s our fault. All my research and hands-on experience tell me that this is exactly the wrong mindset. In order to design successful habits and change your behaviors, you should do three things.
Stop judging yourself.
Take your aspirations and break them down into tiny behaviors.
Embrace mistakes as discoveries and use them to move forward.
This may not feel intuitive. I know it doesn’t come naturally to everyone. Self-criticism is its own kind of habit. For some people, blaming yourself is just where your brain goes—it’s like a sled in the snow, slipping into a well-worn path down the hill.
If you follow the Tiny Habits process, you’ll start taking a different route. Snow will quickly start covering those self-doubting grooves. The new path will soon be the default path. This happens quickly, because with Tiny Habits you change best by feeling good—not by feeling bad. The process doesn’t require you to rely on willpower, or set up accountability measures, or promise yourself rewards. There is no magic number of days you have to do something. Those approaches aren’t based on the way habits really work, and as a result, they aren’t reliable methods for change. And they often make us feel bad.
This book says good-bye to all that change angst and—even more important—shows you how to easily and joyfully bridge the gap (no matter the size) between who you are now and who you want to be. Tiny Habits will be your guide to disrupting the old approach and replacing it with an entirely new framework for change.
The system I’ll share with you is not guesswork. I’ve road tested the process with more than 40,000 people during years of research and refinement. By coaching all these people personally and gathering data week by week, I know that the Tiny Habits method works. It replaces misunderstandings with proven principles, and it trades prescriptions for process. You’ll take what the cofounder of Instagram, my former student, learned about human behavior to design a breakthrough app, and you’ll use the same methods to create breakthrough changes in your own life—and the lives of others. And best of all, you get to have fun. Once you remove any hint of judgment, changing your habits becomes an uplifting journey of self-discovery. As you’ll learn from the true stories in this book, a sense of exploration prepares the path to success.
Behavior Design
Welcome to Behavior Design! This is my comprehensive system for thinking clearly about human behavior and for designing simple ways to transform your life. My early work in Behavior Design helped innovators create products that millions of people use every day to get fit, save money, drive efficiently, and more. After seeing the power of these methods to successfully design business solutions, I shifted my focus to the personal: How do we change our own behavior? I got focused on changes that people want to make for themselves. And when I looked in the mirror, I saw plenty that could be improved on. I decided to do what every gung-ho scientist does at one time or another—I experimented on myself.
I tinkered with the behaviors I wanted to incorporate into my life. I did silly things that turned out to be wildly successful, like doing two push-ups after every time I pee. I did seemingly rational things that totally failed, like trying to eat an orange every day at lunch. Whenever something didn’t work, I went back to my models and analyzed what happened. I started seeing patterns. I followed hunches. I pivoted. I iterated endlessly.
Even though I was a behavior scientist, I had to learn how to create habits in my own life. It wasn’t obvious or natural for me; it was a deliberate process. But with practice I turned a weakness into a strength, and six months later, I had significantly changed my life. I lost twenty pounds and felt healthier and stronger. I was working more productively and more effectively than ever before. I started eating eggs and spinach for breakfast and cauliflower with mustard as an afternoon snack, and I weeded out foods that weren’t helping me. I started each day with an uplifting series of habits, and I designed (and redesigned) my life and my environment to get better sleep. As I figured this out, with twists and turns along the way, I realized that my ability to change was increasing and my momentum was building. As I accumulated dozens of new habits—mostly tiny ones—they combined to create a transformation. Sustaining all this did not feel hard. Pursuing change in this way felt natural and oddly fun.
The results delighted me, and I started teaching my methods to others in 2011. My research showed this approach worked for other people, too, and it changed their lives. To my surprise and excitement, what started as a whimsical self-exploration in the Behavior Design universe became a proven method called Tiny Habits—the quickest, easiest vehicle for personal transformation.
Before I go on, let me set the record straight: information alone does not reliably change behavior. This is a common mistake people make, even well-meaning professionals. The assumption is this: If we give people the right information, it will change their attitudes, which in turn will change their behaviors. I call this the “Information-Action Fallacy.” Many products and programs—and well-meaning professionals—set out to educate people as a way to change them. At professional conferences they say stuff like, “If people just knew the facts, they would change!”
As you look at your own experiences, you’ll see that information alone did not transform your life. And that’s certainly not your fault.
In my research on habit formation, dating back to 2009, I’ve found that there are only three things we can do that will create lasting change: Have an epiphany, change our environment, or change our habits in tiny ways. Creating a true epiphany for ourselves (or others) is difficult and probably impossible. We should rule out that option unless we have magical powers (I don’t). But here’s the good news: The other two options can lead to lasting change if we follow the right program, and Tiny Habits gives us a new way to tap the power of environment and baby steps.
Creating positive habits is the place to start, and creating tiny positive habits is the path to developing much bigger ones. Once you know how Tiny Habits works—and why it works—you can make big one-time changes. You can disrupt unwanted habits. You can work up to bucket-list behaviors like running a marathon.
I’ll help guide you through each of the different behavior-change scenarios that you might encounter.
The essence of Tiny Habits is this: Take a behavior you want, make it tiny, find where it fits naturally in your life, and nurture its growth. If you want to create long-term change, it’s best to start small. Here’s why.
TINY IS FAST
Time. There’s never enough of it, and we always want more of it. We eat drippy hamburgers in our cars and take conference calls while we’re at the beach with our kids because we feel so pressed for time. This pressure leads to a scarcity mindset—we believe that there will never be enough time, so we say no to changes because we feel like we don’t have the hours to cultivate new positive habits. Thirty minutes of exercise a day? Cooking a healthy dinner every night? Writing daily in a gratitude journal? Forget it. Who. Has. The. Time.
You could scold yourself down the path of change. Or you could make your life a lot easier.
You could start tiny.
With the Tiny Habits method, you focus on small actions that you can do in less than thirty seconds. You will quickly wire in new habits, and then they will grow naturally. Starting tiny means you can begin creating a big change without worrying about the time involved. With Tiny Habits, I advise people to start with three very small behaviors or even just one. The more stressed you are and the less time you have, the more appropriate this method is for you. No matter how much you want to cultivate a healthy habit, you won’t be able to do it reliably if you start big. When you go big, the new habit probably won’t stick. In many people’s lives, tiny isn’t just the best option, it might be the only option.
TINY CAN START NOW
Tiny allows you to get real with yourself and your life. Tiny allows you to start right now. It meets you where you are—whether your life is in a desperate spiral or you are stressed out but otherwise fortunate. We all have our own life circumstances to contend with, ways of thinking that aren’t ideal, and quirks of psychology that hold us back. We could feel bummed and ashamed about it, or we could use the Tiny Habits method to hack the system.
I won’t prescribe exact habits in this book. I’m sharing a method for wiring in any habit you want. You pick the habits. But right here, right now, I’m making an exception. I invite you to start practicing a new habit first thing each and every morning. It’s simple. And it takes about three seconds. I call it the Maui Habit.
After you put your feet on the floor in the morning, immediately say this phrase, “It’s going to be a great day.” As you say these seven words, try to feel optimistic and positive.
The recipe in Tiny Habits format looks like this.
My Recipe for the Maui Habit
After I . . .
I will . . .
wake up and put my feet on the floor,
say, “It’s going to be a great day.”
To wire the habit into my brain, I will immediately:
A simple recipe for starting each day in the best way using the Tiny Habits method.
Over the years, I’ve helped thousands of people bring the Maui Habit into their lives, and the results have been excellent. It’s certainly been effective in my own life. With the Maui Habit, you can start immediately—and almost effortlessly—toward a better future.
Here are a few variations on this habit to consider.
Some people say a slightly different phrase each morning such as “Today is going to be awesome.” If that phrase or some variation works better for you, adjust as needed.
A few people have changed the timing. Some say this phrase when they look in the mirror in the morning. I’m quite sure that wouldn’t work for me. (I avoid looking in the mirror first thing. Yikes!) But if this spot in your routine works best for you, then go for it.
I suggest you start with the classic version as written on the recipe card, then modify it if needed.
When I do the Maui Habit each morning, I pause for two or three seconds after I say the phrase. I’m still waking up at that point, and I want the idea to sink in.
If you do the Maui Habit and feel that it won’t be a great day, I advise you to still say this phrase. I say it even on mornings when I feel exhausted or overwhelmed or anxious about the day ahead. In that moment, sitting on the edge of my bed, I try to feel optimistic. But if this feels phony, then I adjust the phrase and my intonation as I say, “It’s going to be a great day—somehow.”
I find this oddly helpful even on my worst days. When I’m worried about the day ahead, this statement—even when I say it with a question in my voice—seems to open the door just a crack to actually having a good day. And that’s exactly what happens most days.
Think of the Maui Habit as a simple practice you do each morning in about three seconds. This will show you how easy it is to get started, and it will help you learn the single most important skill in behavior change—feeling successful.
TINY IS SAFE
A friend of mine has an eighteen-month-old baby named Willa who is new to the whole walking thing. The other day Willa was running around our driveway chasing my dog, Millie, and I watched Willa trip and fall about a half-dozen times. Scaling curbs and negotiating sewer grates is tricky business for a toddler, but she kept popping right back up. Willa would squawk a little bit here and there, but she wasn’t actually getting hurt, so why not keep going? If I were the one learning to walk and crashing down on hard pavement, I’d be pretty banged up. At my height—I’m over six feet tall—falling would hurt more.
The same concept applies to starting a new behavior or habit. If you have never done yoga before, there are multiple places to start—but they all have different levels of risk. You could decide to do one sun salutation or buy a month of unlimited classes at your local studio or hop on a plane for a week-long retreat in India. The investment of time and money and expectation is wildly different with each option. Very few people would take off to India without having stepped foot on a yoga mat. Why? Something in our lizard brains inherently understands how high these stakes would be, which is why it can feel hard to start something new if it is too big. If I can barely surf the gentle waves at Cove Park in Maui, I wouldn’t dare surf the massive swells at Jaws on the other side of Maui. I would likely get hurt, and I might lose all my confidence in surfing, even on small waves. Why would I do that to myself? It doesn’t sound fun. Better stick to Cove Park.
